Category: relationships

Try something different today

“In a time full of war, be peace. In a world full of hate, be a light. . . . Yeah it’s hard to live in color when you just see black and white. In a world full of hate, be a light.” – Thomas Rhett, 2020 (listen to this and other versions on YouTube – such a great song!!)

On this day set aside to honor the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I was struck by these lyrics from Thomas Rhett. I heard them at the end of an online exercise class* and was moved by their simplicity. I think we all want to live in a world of color, of life, of glorious variety but that’s severely limited by dualistic thinking – the idea that there is only wrong or right, without any room for context or nuance. The inadequacy of either/or thinking doesn’t mean that it’s rare. Unfortunately we see it in abundance, especially in our U.S. politics. It’s enticing to label people as one group OR the other but we’re not two-dimensional. Our brains are wired to look for patterns (is that shape a circle? a square? an oval? a rectangle?) and pattern recognition is an important survival skill but if we only focus on the surface we’ll miss the fact that the circle is actually a sphere, or the square a cube. If I judge people by their age or shape or skin color I will miss a world of multi-dimensionality within each person.

How can I begin to go beyond seeing others as two-dimensional, as ‘just like me’ or ‘on my side’ versus being ‘nothing like me’ or ‘on the other side’? Thomas Rhett’s song goes on – “In a time full of noise, just listen“. Don’t add to the noise, just listen – listen for the story that will add more dimensions to the picture, listen for what makes them laugh or sing or dance. Listen for the pain hiding underneath the anger. Listen, letting any hot air blow past without you giving it resistance, for a sailboat cannot move unless the wind meets the resistance of the sail. Ask a person an open ended question (“what do you think about that?”) or invite them to reminisce with you (“tell me about an Inauguration Day that you were excited about”) and then listen. Be still and listen, and let your heart be moved if that’s what happens. Show kindness or compassion or pleasure if that’s how you are moved. Ask another question, especially if you feel defensive.

Try something different today to open yourself to a wider world of taste, smell, sound, experience, and wonder. Eat a different food, or eat a familiar food differently. Listen to a new song, read something from a different source, talk to a loved one and ask them to tell you something about themselves that they might not have told you before. Doing anything that exposes us to difference starts to stretch us beyond the deceiving simplicity of either/or, right or wrong, black or white, good or bad.

The idea of stretching gets me back to my morning exercise and an inspiring song. Being intentional about doing more exercise than walking has led me to stretch and bend and be more flexible, physically, than I’ve been in a long time! In the process I’ve heard some beautiful music and lyrics that lift me up as much as the exercise itself. I wouldn’t have heard them if I wasn’t trying something new – something that may be uncomfortable in the moment but that leads me to greater strength, flexibility, and openness. As for the song, I didn’t grow up listening to country music but over time I’ve listened to it while driving, on a visit to Nashville, and while watching Ken Burns’ amazing documentary series, Country Music. It’s given me laughter and joy, and solace at times, and encouragement to keep trying something different.

Lord, thank you for the amazing wonder and variety in your world. Help me to reflect the light that you brought into the world. Amen.

*Check out Space Love Strength, the online exercise site created by the gracious and talented Allyson Weiss.

#countrymusic #thomasrhett #bealight #MLKJr #spacelovestrength

Advertisement

New names

My word for the year is love. Other words have come to mind – faith, hope, trust – but as the scriptures point out, “if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:2.) Being confident that I am loved allows me to step out in faith. Drawing on love allows me to be patient with myself and others. Love is the path to forgiveness, and the way out of fear. Love is God shining in me, and through me out into the world.

You may have noticed that my last name is Love. That became my married name many years ago and although we later divorced I kept the name. I shared it with my kids, and Dr. Love has been an awesome name to have. Students and parents alike smile or laugh when they hear it. Store clerks and TSA workers comment positively about it. The play on words for my blog and book title has been fun.

This year, however, I am marrying John Van Der Karr and I am choosing to change my name again. It is important to me to signify this new phase in my life, to embrace this new beginning! Throughout the Bible people take on new names as a sign of God’s promises – Abram and Sarai became Abraham and Sarah; Jesus gave Simon a new name, Peter, when Simon met Jesus and became a disciple; after his conversion Saul became Paul. These are name changes that represent dramatic changes in the lives of these people, and a reminder for me that a wedding is the start of a dramatic change in life too. A marriage joins families, brings different groups and customs together, and reminds us to be steadfast in love throughout the ups and downs of our lives.

I like the symbolism of love being my word for the year in the same year that it no longer will be my legal name. My blog title will remain the same, as I don’t have to have the last name of Love to be Inspired by Love. And neither do you. What new name or word might you claim for yourself this year? Write it in the “comments” section below to share it with other readers and to let your light shine brightly. Go ahead! (You can always change it later. 🙂 )

Lord, thank you for being the living word in my life. Amen.

Reminders All Around

“In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. And just as he was coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him. And a voice came from heaven, ‘You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.’ And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness.” Mark 1:9-12.

[Note: I wrote this post in August, then forgot about it in the swirl of the start of the school year. It resurfaced recently and I thought it appropriate for the beginning of Lent, when we remember Jesus’s journey in the wilderness. Jesus was accompanied by the Holy Spirit and so are we as we face our wilderness in its many shapes and sizes.]

While driving my son to college – his first year, my first kid – I passed beneath a road marked Watson Road. One of my best friend’s last name is Watson so seeing it made me smile, and then I teared up as I thought of all the friends and family I have in my life. This has been a teary time in my life as I’ve prepared to send Conor off to college, saying farewell to the younger part of his life and this part of my life as his parent. I’ve commiserated with friends who have taken their kids to college, and who I’ve encouraged as they’ve faced this milestone. I know I will be fine and he will be fine, and that this is what we’ve been planning for and working toward for years. Still, or maybe because of all that, it is an emotional time, and I have gotten weepy at reminders of loved ones, special events, and ordinary events.

Seeing my friend’s name on a sign along the road was a good reminder, albeit a moist-eyed one, of the love that surrounds me each and every day. If I look, I can find reminders all around (as I typed that, we passed beneath a road sign for Lover, PA. I am not making that up!!) How blessed I feel and how thankful I am for the presence of a loving God in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. It is a privilege to raise children and to see them grow. It is a joyful (and challenging, tiring, exhilarating) journey that we are privileged to take together. The reminders of God’s love and the love of others are great companions on my trip today and everyday.

Gracious God, watch over all of us who are taking sons and daughters to college this season. Bless all those who work at colleges and universities too. Amen.

Eye-to-eye

“The eyes are the window to your soul.” – William Shakespeare

“Look me in the eye and say that!” is a taunt used in anger or indignation, urging someone seen as cowardly or inferior to repeat the challenge or insult that has been spoken. Looking someone in the eye creates a direct and personal connection; letting someone look into your eyes invites communication, even intimacy. A helpful tip for travelers at friendly border crossings is to take off their sunglasses so that the Customs agent can see the eyes of the travelers. Doing so conveys openness and engenders trust.

I had a wonderful conversation with a colleague from another college at a recent learning community retreat. She and I have known each other for a dozen years, seeing each other annually at this retreat. We usually ask about each other’s families and have a pleasant conversation. This year our conversation became deeper, sharing more of the details of our lives and our histories, our ups and downs. In the midst of a lively, noisy reception we were had a heart-to-heart conversation about our hopes and dreams. I think the turning point was our eye contact. As I started to share more about myself I became aware of feeling deeply moved, and I realized that there was a decision I could make – I could move off to talk to different people, or continue the conversation at a lighter level by changing the subject, or I could look her in the eye and risk feeling the emotions – both sadness and joy – that were attached to the things we were talking about. I looked at her and we held our eye contact, our eyes tearing up as we did so, knowing that it was an unusual moment of connection and grace. The colleague and friend I knew professionally was now a much closer friend. We had given each other the gift of ourselves and our attention, really listening to and hearing not just the words of the other but also the emotions in those words and stories. Strange that eye contact had opened up my ears, but it was more my heart that was opened, the better for my senses to work.

When is the last time you really looked into the eyes of an acquaintance, a friend, or a loved one, holding that eye contact and listening to the emotions behind the words? Try it today for a jolt of connection, a powerful and bold way to give that person a gift of love and grace, an affirmation of his or her importance and worth.

Thank you, Lord, for eyes to really see into the hearts of others, and to let them see me too. Amen.

P.S. – a shout out to Barbara S., whose words of appreciation at the retreat made a huge difference for me, and got me back online!

Inspired by humor

Inspired by humor

Driving home this evening I listened to NPR – as I often do – and was touched and inspired by this story of using humor to reach across cultural differences. A Muslim researcher from Chicago gets some humor training from a Jewish comedienne from New York City. Heartwarming and lovely, thanks to Judy Carter and Dalia Mogahed for their laughter and courage in trying new things!

Seriously (lol), listen to this now – 9 minutes of great radio.

e-cards and greeting cards

e-cards and greeting cards

After listening to “All Tech Considered” on NPR today I thought I’d re-post this essay from my former blog.  Are you sending Christmas or holiday e-cards or paper cards? It doesn’t matter, it’s the thought that counts! – Anne
I haven’t been a big fan of e-cards. I think it might have something to do with the ease with which they can be sent. This tells you something about my family’s Puritan roots and our adherence to a strong work ethic. (Translation: if it takes hard work, it has value.) My aversion to e-cards also may be related to the fact that they come into my e-mail inbox which I often feel is overflowing already. One more e-mail, I sometimes think, is not what I need!

Today, however, as I started to think about sending Valentine’s Day cards, I thought of how greeting cards might have seemed when they were created. Prior to greeting cards, people sent letters or notes, and they had to come up with the words all by themselves. Greeting cards added pictures, and that probably was a welcome addition. They also added words. What a revolutionary idea! All you had to do was add your name! But I’ll bet that not everyone thought greeting cards were such a hot idea—so impersonal, you know? Someone else wrote the words. All you had to do was buy one, sign it, and send it. And so it goes. New ideas gain traction—slowly at first. Maybe greeting cards were for birthdays first, then cards were added for sympathy, thank-you’s, anniversaries, and weddings. Now you can buy a greeting card for almost any occasion or day of the week. And now I can see how an e-card is no less a message of love than a greeting card that arrives in the mailbox at my house. It has been selected just for me and sent because someone was thinking of me and wanted me to know. Not only that, but e-cards are free! My ancestors would be proud.

Lord, thank you for prayer, which is the epitome of fast, free, loving communication. Amen.